Thursday, April 30, 2009

Tabula Rasa...Kind Of

I like fresh starts.

Sometimes.

Maybe.

Whatever.

Anyways whether I like fresh starts or not, it's not the point at all. The point is, if you have yet to notice I've deleted all posts prior to this one in an attempt to sort of motivate myself to write every day. I write in my other blog pretty much every day so by theory I should be able to write here everyday. Now, if only I can take this theory and wrangle it in to reality that would be great. It would seem, for now anyways, that whenever I try to write here I am most often really quite blocked...which seems to be a theme for most of my writing lately. The other blog is no problem, I don't write anything deeply meaningful there or attempt to have a focus with it. For the most part it's all pointlessness, pictures of animals or my rapidly growing-nearly one year old son, too much information about just about every aspect of my life, coercive love letters to excessively attractive actors/musicians and retarded conversations between myself and my charming male recounted for entertainment purposes; nothing of significant substance. My goal I started this blog, however, was a theme of my writing/screen writing ambitions and outcomes really; and all the woes that I face on a daily basis in relation to such. Somewhere along the tracks though, things have gone off course.

I like to blame work for blocking my writing, it is the most handy after all. For almost a year now I've been a general slave in a job that I cannot stand. I've been working for a small production and post company (which I will not drop the name here because that's rude) as a transcription clerk, and a freelance junior editor. To this day, I'm not even really sure why I took the job in the first place and what's more is I'm not really sure why I hadn't quit long,long, looooooooooooooong before now. Working in a place in which no one seems to have quite the level of accountability you would expect at a professional level is a lot like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole; frustrating, impossible, infuriating ect. ect. ect. and yet some how you keep trying because you figure "Well eventually it's got to snap into place."
For months I was begged to take on everything that anyone else had dropped at the last second. For months I worked with people who could not meet deadline to save their lives. For months I tried to fit that peg in that hole to no avail.

I picked up countless hours of dropped work, saved numerous peoples' asses from the proverbial firing squad, beat my head against the wall on account of dealing with the world's most irritating "boss" and all the while I kept a smile on my face through most of the frustration because:

A. I was working from home most of the time.

B. When I wasn't working from home I had my own office in a really swank, really amazingly decorated loft in West Hollywood.

C. I would only work for a few hours a day, three days to four days a week which in my mind I kept telling myself was perfect for my writing because I would get work done early and have my late afternoon/evening and weekends free to write.

Only, I haven't been writing much at all and it's killing me.

Thankfully, as of yesterday afternoon at 2:30 PM I officially finished and had approved my last job at work and am technically no longer an employee. As of Friday I'll be 100% no longer an employee but that's beside the point.

I.am.free.

I am free from the oppressive workplace environment that made me want to gouge my eyes out with a dirty plastic spoon so now FINALLY I can refocus the drive to write I once possessed before starting this job.

This blog seems as good as any place to start. Hopefully I can follow through this time.


1 comment: