Motivation Situation

Motivation is a fleeting thing for me of late.

Maybe I shouldn't say motivation, maybe I should just lable it as pure and simple inspiration, I'm not exactly sure. What I am sure of, unfortunatley, is that today of all days I was given ample oppurtunity to sit and write endlessly and yet, hour upon hour was wasted away as I sat and languished in a ridiculous pair of flimsy yoga pants and an absconded and equally as flimsy t-shirt and did absolutely nothing. I wish I could say this isn't a common occurence but it happens to me all the time and it's downright sickening.

Why does it happen, what is the root cause of this situation? I know what I want to do with my life; I know what, on a good day, I feel driven to do with my life so why is it more often than is encouraging this kind of thing happens?

Is it because I fill my proverbial plate with far too much and when push comes to shove I lack the energy to sit and hash out an idea into something that has even an ounce of promise?

Is it because I subconsciously feel inadequate?

Is it because I've settled into, and become too comfortable with just working on other people's productions?

Is it because somehow, in some way churning out log lines and ideas a plenty is hindering me from focussing on one solid idea and seeing it to fruition?

Whatever the cause it's an uncomfortable feeling and I don't like it one little bit. 

I've been researching a bunch of different screenwriting contests to enter in the next couple of months. Some have the ability to dazzle more than others with larger sums of prize money and greater aspects of achieving the "big break" but I think the most important thing is that I start to enter at least a few. Even if the prize money is small, even if I don't win jack squat...maybe this is the route to take to get myself back on the path that I set myself out on after graduation.

I need to take a leap of faith, enter something with a respectable deadline and just put my nose to the grindstone, get the work done, and hope for the best. At times the task seems daunting but I cannot continue this way. I have to revert back to the concept of writing every day, working on a script every day or this squicky, gross, unsatisfied feeling is only going to worsen, and then what.

As of tonight I have seventy five days to churn out a script no longer than 135 pages; horror in genre to be exact. This is kind of an intimidating thought after such a long time passed with little productivity, but I can feel the faint stirring of actual motivation here; then again, maybe that's just impending insomnia, though they do say the only cure for writer's block is insomnia so if the fates align and the fickle bitch that is my muse shines fortune down upon me, it'll work in my favor. 

Who knows?